Never trust a Ram
I have an old truck. It's a Dodge Ram from some time period in the eighties. One of the unique features trucks had in the eighties was the complete inability to turn. Trying to get it to turn is similar to turning a boat. Not one of those sleek motor boats however, but rather similar to one of those big boats with sails that pirates use. I have to more or less crank the wheel as far as it can physically go before the car starts to turn at all. This makes it incredibly difficult to do things, like park. It is however a great benefit if I were driving down a straight stretch of road and didn't want to turn.
Another benefit of Dodge Rams from the eighties is that they stall if it's cold. And of course by cold I mean any temperature colder then the center of the sun. It won't however stall like a normal car. What this particular model is designed to do is wait until the driver has pulled into the middle of a intersection and then it just shuts itself down and laughs as I freak because I'm blocking both lanes of oncoming traffic and two semis are coming. Not only douse this mean that I just almost died, but the C.D. player shuts off. Then I turn the truck back on and it starts at the beginning of the song again. That's really annoying. In the winter I can never finish a song because of the truck's death attempts.

Winter Fun for Everyone
Don't you just love winter, going skating, making snow angles, sipping cider by a fire while watching the snow fall outside, its wonderful. No it isn't retard shut up. Winter is nothing but pain and suffering. Like watching an episode of Golden Girls but cold. Heed this warning my son, if you live someplace warm then never leave. Leaving will only bring you someplace cold, or maybe someplace where its still warm, depends on what direction you go. I wish I lived in Florida. In school we watched a news story about how cold of a year it's been. They had a student at one of those fancy Florida schools reporting on how it's really cold there. The temperature was even getting down to the 20s at night. Wow screw you Florida. I live in Upper Michigan in the winter it wouldn't get that warm unless the sun crashed into us. And thanks to the Superfriends that's probably not going to happen. Which is just like them. When some guy steals a nuclear bomb Superman and Batman can't foil him fast enough, but where are they when you really need help. Where's the Flash when your making breakfast. Where's Apache Chief when you're painting the house. Where's Green Lantern when your shoveling the driveway. He's inside because he just uses his magic ring to clear the snow from his driveway. Douse he even offer to help out with yours, no way. Just today I was out shoveling my driveway. I look towards his house and I can see in the window, Green Lantern is just sitting there watching me shovel. Hey Green Lantern you have a magic ring help me out. I'm here shoveling the longest driveway in the world and your just hangin out. Not only is Green Lantern being a jerk but I live around lots of old people who own snow blowers. Do they offer me their snow blower to clear out the driveway, no. Me and my poor father have to clear out the 15 feet of snow with scoops. We just dump it into the neighbors yard until eventually theirs a mountain so tall we can't see over it. Then theirs the threat of raisers gathering on the other side of the wall waiting to jump me as I leave to go to school. Then I have to dig out the sidewalk. While doing this today I realized something. The houses of either side of mine are empty. So in order for somebody to walk on the freshly cleared sidewalk they have to wade through waste deep snow, then afterwards have to wade through waste deep snow again. So its completely pointless, however not doing it results in a hefty fine. Just another example of the man trying to keep the workingman down. I should fight this unjust law. Organize protests, sign petitions and write folk ballads about how Johnny Government is breaking my back with his "laws" and "regulations". On the other hand I could just move to a warmer state, like Oregon, or Texas. Well wherever I move to I'd better make sure its not Florida, because Florida sucks

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