T.V. Sucks
Well its finally happened. T.V. now officially sucks. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those crazy hippie TV hating hippies who live in the woods and reads the bible 27 hours a day. I use to love T.V. I would spend hour watching the crazy high jinks of various television characters, be it crazy neighbors to crazy brothers to crazy uncles sitcoms would deliver some crazy characters who would do something retarded, try to cover it up, get caught, and then we all learned an important lesson. Like not to put to much soap into the washing machine, or not to try to kidnap hookers. Then came reality T.V. Suddenly watching a single father try to raise kids in the mixed up world wasn't good enough for you, was it!! WAS IT? Now we watch people sit in a jungle and complain how it sucks. Of course it sucks retard thats why it's called the jungle and not "Super Forest of Mystical Fun". The show gets sort of depressing when you realize that there are people in the world that live in the jungle for their entire life, and don't ever get a chance to win money. No they just live in the jungle to the ripe age of 27, and then the tribe has to hang their body from a tree to try to keep the tigers away. Oh but those people on Survivor have it hard, I remember one episode were they couldn't find food and were hungry, or as the natives call it "My entire god damn life". What really irks me about Survivor is one season they camped by a river with alligators in it, but nobody tried to kill one. If I were there I'd be chucking rocks at them all day hoping one would die. Then I'd wear an alligator coat and declare myself king of the river. What is worse then Survivor is the rip offs. Like the show that are like Survivor but with celebrities, or as I call it, every third show made after Survivor. At least their better then the wedding shows. Because nothing is more entertaining than watching two strangers get married, wait I'm wrong, everything is more entertaining. Oh, but will they stay married? No they won't nobody from these shows stay married. Besides these shows seem pretty dangerous, what if one of the strangers getting married is really a serial killer, or maybe even a Republican. Ha ha just kidding kids that's called political humor, because Republicans are evil and eat babies. Fox especially likes these shows, which was okay with me because they had all kinds of good shows to. Well not anymore. Yes The Simpsons are still on, as are some other okay shows, King of the Hill and That Seventy's show are okay for a few laughs. Not to mention that show were the midgets tried to pull a plain faster then an elephant. I don't know what they were smoking when they came up with that idea but I'm sure its so potent it makes you higher then a hot air balloon that's really high in the air. Then Fox made some fatal mistakes. Firstly they cancelled Futerama. A show that was almost as funny as The Simpsons. Well technically they cancelled The Critic, which is truly a hilarious show, but that was many moons ago and was probably because nobody except me. However Futerama was getting good ratings and winning awards. However because of it's time slot, 7:00, it got exempted for football games. So what do you do with a quality show that is getting interrupted because of football? Put it at a better timeslot, wait until football is over, nope according to Fox you cancel it and show the remaining episodes. Good thinking morons. Second they cancelled Firefly, the best new show EVER. You see it was a combination of a western show and a spaceship show. How is that not a guaranteed winner? If that show were transformed into a human being then it would definitely be a bad enough dude to save the president in the classic arcade game Bad Dudes. This would mean being bad is good, because the president was captured by Dragon Ninja, who is probably really tough. I always ran out of quarters before getting to that bastard. Mark my words I'll get you Dragon Ninja, and your precious Fox network also

My Horribly Depressing Story
Many years ago the United States went to war with Japan because they blew up Hawaii and thats not cool. In response the U.S. blew up part of Japan. I'm not sure what part but it must have been the important part because after the A-bombs were dropped Japan surrendered so fast that even France said "Hey they surrender really fast". After WW2 the U.S. needed a new hobby so they decided to rebuild Japan. In the long run it turns out that was a bad decision because now Japan is the biggest technological country around, and while their off building computers and robots the largest U.S. industry is entertaining visiting Japanese businessmen. That and porn of course. This has brought some adverse effects to the lives of the residents of the United States. Namely when it comes to reading instruction manuals. Because it appears that nobody in all of Asia has ever even heard of this odd language known as English. This is the conclusion I came to when reading the instructions for my new VCR/DVD player. You see when trying to record I came upon something odd. I had to choose a tape speed either SP or SLP. Try as I could I found no mention of what they stood for anywhere in the recording section of the manual. The only mention was a chart, which made absolutely no sense at all. It had SP then SLP and a series of numbers and nothing explaining what they meant. I knew from years of trying to record television programs that there was a speed that would tape and take up a normal amount of tape, and there was a speed that would tape at a high quality so that one 12-hour tape would actually have about 22 minuets of recording on it. The tape speed had foiled me in the past so I was determined to figure out this mystery. Searching the manual I found that SP stood for standard play while SLP stood for super long play. Well super long play must be the one that takes up all the tape, it records things over a long period of time while standard play is normal. NO that is indeed false. After failed recording attempts and running out of tape I found a chart in the manual. Turns out that standard play is in fact not standard but actually long. While super long play is the standard choice used. This is insane. That makes absolutely no sense. This is all because the VCR/DVD player was made in Japan, the land of nobody who speaks English. Because of this horrible mistake I failed in my attempt to tape the Thats My Bush marathon on comedy central. Something unacceptable, and I fell completely justifies going to war with Japan again. This time we shall show no mercy with the nukes